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WELCOME TO THE FIBROMYALGIA(FMS), HYPERMOBILITY SYNDROME(HMS) & CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME(CFS)/ MYALGIC ENCEPHALOMYELITIS(ME) SITE
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POEMS
It is surprising how much any kind of expression releases some of life's burdens. Different people find different ways of expressing themselves depending on what helps them personally.
I started mostly with writing about my life and all that has happened. But when it came time to dealing I definately struggled. It is a hard thing to have to deal with so I turned to poetry and in my poems it gives me a bit of release. Poetry comes from the heart & soul of a person and reveals their deepest feelings clearly on paper. It is much better to let your feelings out rather than bottle them up inside. A bottle can only hold so much. One day it will overflow. Writing poems for me is like pouring a bit out the bottle.
Therefore this page of my site is dedicated to poetry related to fibromyalgia, hypermobility syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome (m.e), chronic pain & generally all the stresses & pains that accompany these conditions. If you have something you would like to contribute please email me (daynauk@hotmail.com) I will be glad to post it! (Please contribute only original works of art). If requested, I will not print the creator's name, but will use "unknown" in its place.
MY POETRY
The Hand That We Are Dealt
Physical emotions I attempt to refrain,
Diverting the messages from my brain.
Overwhelmed by vivid mental pictures,
Constantly prompted by all the fixtures.
The instant I awake from the living dead,
Anguish depletes energy from my head.
Needing the supernatural to make repairs,
Banishing every one of my distressing cares.
My afflicted life’s never going to be the same,
Appears to be nothing or no one to blame.
My crumbling heart is drowning from hope,
Courageously driven finding means to cope.
My incapacitated fate will I always endeavour,
Or maybe my present situation is not forever.
LIVING WITH FMS, HMS & CFS
I’m not normal, I’d think in my head,
I used to think; I’d be better off dead.
My life has been taken, away from me,
It’s so unfair, no reason that I can see.
I’ve been a good person, all of my life,
I feel I’ve been stabbed, with a sharp knife.
I’d shout and scream, then cry some more,
Hands over face, in a ball on the floor.
All of this aching, all of these harsh pains,
Pulled muscles, lots of strains and sprains.
My joints are stiff, and unbearable to use,
Someone touches me, I go blotchy and bruise.
My shoulders hurt, can’t raise them in the air,
There so sensitive, someone’s touch I can’t bear.
I struggle to walk, as my legs are giving way,
Tingling and burning, shooting pains when I lay.
Swollen hands and fingers, cramp and they lock,
The constant sharp pain, I always try to block.
Tired and worn out, my feet sink in the ground,
My body’s a struggle, for me to drag around.
Headaches and Migraines, are not of a few,
Poor concentration, and a bad memory too.
People haven’t heard, of what I have got,
Vacant expressions, they’re like er… What?
This is what I hate, when I have to explain,
`Cos I get so upset, when I talk of the pain.
No idea they have, because I look so well,
What my life is like, it can be a living hell.
Thing after thing, I am not able to do,
Working and driving, are just of a few.
Learning to accept, to cope and to face,
My life as it is now, at it’s own slow pace.
Underneath It All
Soaring up high observing all the naughty and nice,
Peering downwardly as my caring anger they entice.
Wishing to scream out appreciate what you’ve got,
You must make the most don’t brood at what not.
Realising afterwards that I was once one of them,
Now presently knowing not to rush and condemn.
Previously I naively assumed everything in my life,
Being completely oblivious to others pain and strife.
Seldom people are what envision the raw naked eye,
Look deeper buried beneath the false laugh and cry.
An exposed defenceless spirit is concealed at the core,
Break through the masquerade to uncover the flaw.
CHANGES.........
Drastic adjustments re-occur right before my teary eyes,
Unsuccessful retaliations with all the pain filled goodbyes.
High brick walls conceal prickly thorns awaiting my climb,
Trudging different paths I get thrown down time after time.
Black darkness swallows the bouncing rays of light drowned.
Normality is dissolving and blurring into the background.
Dancing multi-colours are substituted by shades of grey,
Bitter frost consumes keeping most of the warmth at bay.
In peoples life changes are inevitable regardless of brutality,
Ignorance was bliss but now abnormality becomes my reality.
The once bright blazing flame now only just visible is so tired,
Incapacitated is still much better than a flicker that is expired.
TRYING
Trying to fight not to let it win,
Trying not to cry just be happy and grin.
Trying to block out the loss and the pain,
This I try to do time again and again.
Trying to be positive is a very big start,
Trying tablets and treatments is also a part.
Trying to be brave and hopeful is the main,
This I try to do time again and again.
Trying and determined lots of new things,
Trying to laugh at whatever fete brings.
Trying not to give up to keep myself sain,
This I try to do time again and again.
Trying to live the best life I can,
Trying to adapt and always to plan.
Trying to accept whatever the strain,
This I try to do time again and again.
Longing
Emptiness leaves vast crevices much larger than life,
A complex burden I yearn for some will call it strife.
The choice of decisions I’d appreciate to be troubled,
Ungrateful complaining means my envy just doubled,
A hankering desire increases my unagitated resilience,
Still failing despite technology being sheer brilliance.
Constantly battling slim odds and climbing bold slopes,
Biology crashes as fortunes flush with our ruined hopes.
Aspirations abolished within the rapid blink of an eye,
Wishful hearts shattered as nature endeavours to defy.
Deprived with loss felt from something I’ve possessed,
Feeling worthless inside abnormal and very depressed.
Desperate to occupy the void and determined to the root,
Ambitiously devoted persisting with the rocky pursuit.
IMAGINE
Do you have any idea what it is like to feel,
Head and body painfully spinning like a wheel.
With 24 hours of bad aches and continuous pain,
Some ignorant people ask me is she really insane,
Limping around trying to blend in with the crowd,
Trying not to be noticed, ’cos she’s so proud.
She’s not visible to those with cruel blind eyes,
But those that are close, know more we are wise,
The music is blasting out and deafening our ears,
Drowning out the sound of salty dried up tears.
Tossing and turning closing her eyes so tight,
Pains make it impossible for her to sleep at night.
Brave and courageous she try’s hard not to show,
But facial expressions break through then we know.
When she sees energetic people of the same age,
Depression will set in or she will get upset in a rage.
Looking into the future and only thinking of gloom,
Only letting this show alone stranded in her room,
So please don’t pretend you really know what it is like,
Because you do not know, you can only imagine.
An Unknown Beast
Detained in this ferocious whirlpool constantly fighting to break free,
My trying efforts abolished by this nameless force descending me.
Mislead by an aquatic cyclone with an unconscious mind of its own,
Plunging me deep to the profound depths of an unaccustomed zone.
An uphill struggle trying to retaliate and not just go along for the ride,
Diving further determined that my spirit will not accompany the tide.
Infinite water surrounds me as I attempt to battle this unknown beast,
The equivalent of a bottomless pit capturing me as a doomed feast.
Calm waves and content creatures swimming oblivious to the point,
Submerged in this strong current suffocating each and every joint.
As my decent quickens questions swirl vividly apparent on the shore,
Unaware of rock bottom time and destiny will reveal if I fall no more.
Always There For Us
For all the things throughout our lives that we have to do,
Time and again your there and always help us through.
You forever help us to plan, to cope, to deal and to face,
Both physically and mentally what ever be the case.
Hurdle after hurdle we repeatedly try to climb but we fall,
Although we bounce back up even if we have to crawl,
All because you give us the drive, strength and the will,
Although you yourself secretly suffer you try still.
You put your needs and wants to the bottom of the list,
Giving, kind, brave, loving is there anything I’ve missed.
Yes your straight to the point, indeed sometimes very blunt,
Honesty is a good thing but sometimes it’s all just a front.
To lock away deep inside the pain and hurt you often feel,
Hiding your true feelings as you think we couldn’t deal,
We know you watch us struggling and it breaks your heart,
But look on the bright side we’re all close and rarely apart.
A loving devoted close relationship is what we all share,
Deep down all of us know that this doesn’t compare,
But you give advice and cheer us up by making us laugh,
You’re the life and soul with silly dancing and acting daft.
You encourage and help us to do the things that we cannot,
And instead try to focus on the things that we have got.
Without you it would be a million times worse because,
Rain or shine you love, care and are always there for us.
PANIC!!!
Pins and Needles grasping around my chest,
Heart beating from out of my breast.
My heart racing faster and faster,
Brain scrambling with disaster.
Throbbing pains running all through me,
Emotions filling making me teary.
Tears held back purely by panic,
People starring thinking I`m manic.
Chest pains increasing with each breath,
All I could think of was my near death.
My whole body began to shake,
I wasn`t sure what else I could take.
Lips turned a numb shade of blue,
Death was all I thought I knew.
SOMEONE
If only there was someone,
Who knows the way I feel.
If only there was someone,
To whom the pain was real.
If only there was someone,
Who knows of this ordeal.
If only there was someone,
To whom I could reveal.
If only there was someone,
Who could really understand.
If only there was someone,
Who would gently take my hand.
If only there was someone,
Who could really make a stand.
If only there was someone,
Who would always be at hand.
I know there is someone,
A person quite like me.
I know there is someone,
Who I can hear and see.
I know there is someone,
who knows how it can be.
I know there is someone,
Suffering the same as me.
SOMEONE, who knows and understands,
And feels the same.
SOMEONE, who is my younger sister,
and Dee is her name.
WHAT AM I ?
Plagued by Pain
Stopped by Stiffening
Forced by Fatigue
Suffocated by Swelling
Worsened by Weakness
Lingered by Locking
Embraced by Exhaustion
Shocked by Stumbling
Tormented by Tiredness
Grieved by Grinding
Surrounded by Sensitivity
Choked by Cracking
Shoved by Spasms
Confined by cramping
Starved by Sleeplessness
Burdened by Burning
Consumed by Cold
Niggled by Numbing
Suffered by Sublaxtions
Troubled by Tingling
Hassled by Headaches
Aided by Aching
Dipped by Depression
Pursued by Panicking
Accompanied by Anxiety
Framed by Freezing
Serenaded by Symptoms
Imposed by Incapability
Jaded by Joints
Doomed by Disability
MASQUERADE
At everyone’s first sight she is a blessed normal soul,
But shielded deep inside there’s a large burdened hole.
Uplifting and courageously fighting all of the time,
She is not fazed by being knocked down in her prime.
With a high endurance making the best of the worst,
Irregardless of her sadness or her life existence’s thirst.
Locking up all her emotions concealing her true face,
With her injustices overflowing there still lays no trace.
Disguised smiles conceal all the pain and pent up fears,
Her mask firmly placed but for how many more years.
WANTING & NEEDING
Wanting to put up a fight,
Needing to use all my might.
Wanting to hold on tight,
Needing to win my plight.
Wanting to be like you all,
Needing to stand very tall.
Wanting to have no fall,
Needing to climb the wall.
Wanting to banish the war,
Needing to find the cure.
Wanting to amend every flaw,
Needing to get to the core.
Wanting to make it pay,
Needing to find another way.
Wanting to keep it at bay,
Needing to have a better day.
Wanting to demolish the hate,
Needing to be told straight.
Wanting to alter my state,
Needing to change my fate.
Peace
Forgiveness is the route to a peaceful soul,
Fills your essence with love and makes it whole.
Without this we would be burdened with grief,
Replenishes our heart irregardless how brief.
A courageous experiment of destiny is the key,
Diminishing the tension as it ought to had be.
Proceed with heart and judge not with your mind,
As a bona fide pure soul is like gold dust to find.
Disturbingly insistent betrayals are hard to erase,
Determined and passionate you shall find ways.
Expressively revealing empathy feeling lighter,
Leaves you in serenity and your future brighter.
How Much More?
How much more pain am I to suffer?
Or will I be coping even tougher.
How much more fatigue will win over me?
Or will I be able to live free.
How much more independence will be took?
Or will I be given a second look.
How much more sorrow am I in store?
Or will I be plagued with no more.
How much more will I have to endeavour?
Or will I be unfortunate forever.
People
How we are suffering people don’t have a clue,
In the outside world we don’t appear to fit into.
Yearning to be normal like people everywhere,
Being capable and not tolerating others stare.
Taking matters for granted people tend to do,
But changes happen to what you assume true.
People don’t recognise our condition cos it’s rare,
Knowing a sufferer automatically they compare.
Diverse severities should alter peoples view,
Be open minded not dismissive cos it’s new.
People are unsighted by our pain and scare,
Enjoying life not contemplating the unfair.
Watching people believing they know you,
Unless they empathize they possess no clue.
People only view our masks and not our flare,
We experience the truth and so do those that care.
STOLEN
I wake up with pent up burden and strife,
Secretly waiting for a miracle to heal my life
Now unacquainted with life and normality,
But enviously desiring a different reality
I Speculate each of my dreaded fears,
And imprison each of my loosened tears.
Whilst alternate endings await my plea,
I nervously anticipate worse to accompany.
I deteriorate more with each passing day,
Disguising the truth as I tell myself its okay.
But false mental illusions I’m unable to sustain.
Because of my disabling body and tired brain.
Fighting against myself I clamber to refuse,
My abilities stolen away from now and future use.
All too abruptly taken away, within the blink of an eye,
Four years has already stolen by.
Living with Pain
How life appears is not what it seems,
My body extinguishes my dreams.
Persistently it continues to control me,
Locking and damaging for all to see.
My painful sensations remain unseen,
Unexplainable to describe what I mean.
The crippling alignment will not subside,
As my health decreases the more I stride.
My aching self is always under attack,
Disabling more with every whack.
As I tighten up my weak clenched fists,
The more the sharp blade twists.
Penetrating deep inside my tired bones,
Gritted teeth catching my tired groans.
I’m a human pin-cushion always being used,
Or a defenceless lab rat internally bruised.
Grating noises burn each loose joint,
Snap crackle and pop at any point.
Stumbling and weighted with red hot coals,
And rocks strapped underneath my soles.
Electrifying pulses absorb into my veins,
Like a lightening show full with pains.
Invading injuries re-occur all of the time,
It thrives on knocking me down in my prime.
Battling with no improvements that I’m seeing,
And Accepting facts and facing truths of my being.
WHY ME?
Losing my faith in nature as it continuously defies,
Having an unidentified cause or reason I truly despise.
Uncertainties and dubious feelings loom overhead,
Why fate has stricken me and missed others instead.
Examining all theories from every conceivable angle,
Establishing some kind of truth from this tousled tangle.
Maybe retribution, vengeance, or karma from a past life,
Or a hidden meaningful purpose, perhaps a test of strife.
Deep down the realist in me hazards a more practical guess,
No reasons, merely the misfortunes that I just possess.
If this is the truth then it’s more challenging to accept.
Because it implies destiny and that nothing will intercept.
Leaving me helpless, reliable and completely in the shade,
Climb high or fall low, it’s out of my grasp but I won’t evade.
These persisting questions will remain tattooed on my brain,
I will go with the flow but I will seek answers again and again.
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FIBROMYALGIA, HYPERMOBILITY SYNDROME & CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME / M.E
