My Name is Carl'a Stevens. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in the year 2000 after my first child was born. I spent over ten years before that coming "unglued" so to speak, trying to get answers on what could possibly be wrong with me. Finally after years of researching a Doctor, I had found one who diagnosed me. Since then I had found a specialist who also did some extensive testing and diagnosed me too. It is always good to get a second opinion. Fibro is such a mysterious illness. Better to be on the safe side.
I was diagnosed with FMS, CFIDS, MPS, IBS, Candida Infection, Leaky Gut Syndrome, Polycystic Ovarian Disease,lumbar instability,Irritable Bowel, Depression and Anxiety. (not uncommon with Chronic Pain patients)
I am currently on Ultram for my pain and Effexor for my depression and anxiety. I also take several vitamin suppliments to help ease some of the stiffness and muscle aches associated with my FMS.
I was married in August of 1994 to my Husband , Todd. And we have three sons, Todd who is 8 years old and Aidan who is almost 3 and Evan who is now a year.
I reside in Michigan.
Four years ago we bought our very first computer and since then I have been doing extensive research in my Illness. I have met so many wonderful people who too suffer as I. With them in my life along with the family that supports me and friends who do. . . it has made the road a bit easier. But no matter what, it haunts my life. No matter how good of a day I may have. . . it always is there reminding me that it has latched unto my life forever!
My description of my life with chronic illness. . . .
In the simplest of words I want to say cheated , robbed, debilitating, crippled, my life stolen from me and anything else you can think of that explains the death of your old life as a human being on this earth. In other ways I can say I found a new life , with more meaning. A life that has humbled me, teaching me new ways to adapt to what has been changed .
I have watched myself go from walking miles to walking only minutes. I have seen my face change from vibrant to stressed and my body from youthful to aged in a matter of a couple years. I have seen myself go from running up flights of stairs to crawling up them and scooting down them on my rear end. At times I wonder , am I 34 or am I 74?
I question my future. . . Will I still be walking or in a wheel chair? I use a cane on bad days , but will it become a way of life for me later? Will I be able to go to my son's football games shouting from the stands , or will I be on the sidelines watching in uncomfortable pain?
People who do not understand this illness can not possibly understand what goes on in our thoughts daily. The questions , the concerns , the worries. No matter what we are told about taking it one day at a time and how we need to relax and make the most of our life , no matter how often we hear this , it still doesn't seem to leave our focus. It is what we think of when we wake up and what we think of when we go to bed at night. It is in our thoughts allot because we feel the pain and fatigue all the time. We wake up feeling it , we focus our meals around it , we socialize based upon how we feel for the day and how much we can handle activity wise, we take meds or don't take meds depending on what we are going thru . . . all these things affect every aspect of our lives. It is an indescribable feeling. Even those who have this illness know the unpredictability of it. We never know how we are going to feel from one hour to the next . It all depends on what "IT" wants to do.
Once in a while we find ourselves having a day that is so blissful. . . no pain . . no fatigue, everything is like a dream. We forget our limits in that moment and live the day out like we are totally normal. Then just as quick as it has come , it leaves and our bodies respond to all the activity we brought upon it on the good day. In spite of how gloomy this all sounds , I have found peace with it. I do have bad days as most all have with this , but yet in the midst of it all , I have learned how to manage it some and how to live with it. I have no choice but to live with it. I do not want to become a statistic to the suicide trend that Fibro had become to many. I don't want to give up and let it dissolve my life either . I am not ready to give into it all yet. I am not ready to accept that I am disabled due to it . I am not going to let it take my dignity and rule my life. It has to a certain degree , but it cannot have it all.
I am still my own person , my own woman wanting to have some control yet of my body . I want freedom to make choices on my own whether or not I can or cannot go to the store , walk to the park with my son , go to a family function , work , talk on the phone. All these things can be robbed completely from me but I won't let Fibro take what is left of me. I have no control on to what degree the Fibro wants to attack me. It can bring me to my knees , but it will not defeat me. I will not let it take from me my as a whole, my dreams, and my independence. I need to hang onto what little bit I have and fight it all with the will power I have. I am too young to suffer this way and say , ok you have me. I may have to suffer , I may cry , I may struggle , I may yell and feel robbed , I may complain and I might try to find a cause of it all , but yet , I am still here with it , living , breathing and I am still alive. I have a purpose and am trying to find a reason for it all , a meaning for why it has selected me. I know I am not alone and there are others who feel as I do. If I focus on the what if's , why me , and what will become of me . I am only wasting my time in finding meaning to it all.
I will never find the purpose for it , but I know that God knows His reasoning. I am thankful for this illness in a way because it has changed me in so many ways that are positive that I had never expected. I have found peace in knowing that thru this illness , I can use it to help change the way people treat those with chronic illness. I have an opportunity to help change the world's thinking and help spread awareness and hope. If anything I can say about all of this is that I have been humbled as a person , sensitive to others needs. The desire to find all the answers has been instilled and the wanting to help others cope ...This has been my therapy. Trusting the Lord with every aspect of my life and finally learning to let go and let Him take over. Knowing that I don't have all the answers and trusting that some day I will see the true reasons why. Until then , I would be selfish in just sitting and complaining and not doing anything with it. I think in all our lives with Fibro and chronic illness in general, we find this to be true. We have a bond that no one can even understand. I have great supportive friends, supportive Husband and family , yet I know they cannot possibly really know what it is like to feel like you have the flu everyday . They don't know what it is like to hurt and ache all the time. Their headaches are our good days. I am grateful to the people in my life who have made a difference and do support me though. They help me keep going. With my faith in God , my family and friends, life with their burden may seem much lighter. It is important to find support. Some aren't as fortunate and have no one in their lives , but finding a support group or support network is the best way to cope when you feel you have no one. The groups develop friendships that last a lifetime and the much needed support to handle life's tough days.
How to Find Support . . .
The best way to find support is to find your local Fibromyalgia Chapter in your area of living. If that is not a possibility , there are many support groups online ready to assist you with any support you need. There are groups available that help with questions you may have regarding your feelings , emotions and conditions. There are groups that cover medical info and spiritual needs also concerning this illness. There you will find many helpful individuals who can help answer the tough questions. Remember, they too suffer , so there is a deep understanding for how you are feeling both physically and mentally. It is very easy to bond with your online sponsers and friends. There is also great opertunitys to meet some of them in person. I have met a wonderful fellow Fibro friend through the Fibro site @About.com. Wendy lives only an hour from me and even though we don't see each other much , we do keep contact thru e~mails , phone or by Instant Messenger. This helps you stay focused and feel that there is someone who truelly understands your current needs. It is helpful to develope these types of friendships because they help you keep going . Their influence helps you stay possitive. Just by knowing that they feel what you do makes all the difference in the world! THANK YOU WENDY, YOU ARE TRUELLY A SPECIAL PERSON. XOXOX
Here's a hint to find a support group, find a search engine . . . my personal favorite www.dogpile.com This one is huge! Type in Fibromyalgia. You will get a ton of info. Find some websites and look for groups. You will find alot of info along the way. It is very easy to get side tracked. Happy researching!
My Family. . .
Arrow points to where I live. Right along the channel off Lake Michigan.It is absolutely beautiful in the summer!
